I know that the original story is a little old, but when I was leafing through Entertainment Weekly today, I saw a hilarious article on it.
If you haven't heard what happened a few months ago, I'm sorry to have to personally inform you. Both Dr. James Dobson and the American Family Association came out and lambasted Spongebob Squarepants because he was included in a video that promoted tolerance. This led Dobson and the AFA to declare that Spongebob was gay.
No, not gay as in stupid. Gay as in gay.
I'm not making this up. Really.
So, the Tony and Grammy award winning team of Marc Shaiman and Scott Wittman wrote a song about other cartoon characters and what might be wrong with them too. Unfortunately, it didn't make the Oscars, but it should have. I am giving you the song in its entirety because I'm beginning to despise Dobson's insistence in leaving his comfortable Christian area of promoting families and whatnot, and going into what should be for him the unfamiliar and awkward ground of Christianity marrying politics. Enjoy.
Pinocchio's had his nose done
Sleeping Beauty is popping pills
The Three Little Pigs ain't kosher
Betty Boop works Beverly Hills
Superman is on steroids
Tinky Winky is in the pink
Dammit to hell, wake up and smell
The stink beneath the ink!
Chip n' Dale both are strippers
Scrooge McDuck is really tight
Bugs Bunny is a sexaholic
And Snow White has been up all night!
There's something fishy 'bout Nemo
Batman and Robin share a sink
Winnie the Pooh, we know what he's into
The stink beneath the ink!
Fred Flintstone is dyslexic
Jessica Rabbit is really a man
Olive Oyl is anorexic
And Casper is in the Ku Klux Klan
Cinderella's into identity theft
Pocahontas is addicted to craps
Dumbo's an overeater
Josie and the Pussycats dance on laps
It's clear the Road Runner's hooked on speed
Charlie Brown is seeing a shrink
People of America, take a whiff
Smokey the Bear just lit a spliff!
Tom and Jerry are dating 'N Sync
Oh the stink...
Beneath the ink! (Don't blink)
The ink! (The kink!)
The stink beneath the ink!
And those of us who are trying to live out what Jesus is actually calling us to do just continue to hunch down, shrug our shoulders, and wish that moronic Christians would stop making it harder and harder for unchurched people to take us seriously.
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