41...

I turned 41 twenty-two minutes ago. Actually, that is probably not true. I think I was born at 10 in the morning or something, so I haven't officially turned 41 yet. Some thoughts about 41 and aging one more year (day):

- my mom never got to see her forty-first year; her life was tragically cut down at age forty from lymphoma.

- when I think about my mom and stepfather and when they hit their late thirties/early forties, it just seems so bizarre. I just don't feel as old as I thought they were when I was a teenager. I don't feel as responsible as I assumed they were. I do know I have made some better choices than they have, which makes me feel slightly better. Perhaps it is because my daughter is ten years younger than I was when my parents hit forty that makes me feel younger.

- I think about death a lot more now that I am in my forties. Not in a morbid way, but more of a "what legacy will I leave my daughter and what mark will I make on this world" type of a way. I have to admit, death kind of freaks me out.

I have been thinking about what I would like to experience in my forty-first year and who I want to become in this year. Some glimpses:

- I want to be a better friend to those who have been great friends to me. One of my problems is that I am one of the most non-observant people in the history of the world, and I just don't notice when someone needs help or is hurting or whatever. God, increase my discernment in this area.

- we are in the process of helping a couple of people who are struggling in life, and although it is challenging and frustrating at times, my hope is that we can not only continue to help them out but also perhaps we can help more people.

- my passion for fighting human trafficking has been rather hot and cold as of late: I believe some of it is a lack of time to devote to this cause; but I also sense some discouragement through the second half of 2011 because we have seen a large number of task force members just disappear on us. God, please help us connect and network with others who have this passion and who will stand with us.

- I need to spend more time in the woods, on a bicycle, climbing a hill, skiing (even if it is Ohio style skiing) and adventure seeking.

- help me Lord to apply these Dave Ramsey principles to my life now that I don't hear him talk for 45 minutes every week for 13 weeks.

- I need to pray more, journal more, blog more, and express through writing what I am learning, what I am frustrated with in this world and with myself, and what God is showing me. I need to be quiet more, to listen to that gentle whisper, to cling to the Vine that sustains, strengthens and ignites me.

That about does it for now. As my 45th minute of being 41 quickly approaches (it takes more time blogging with an iPad I have found), I hope that as you read this post that you find yourself wondering how God is going to use you in whatever number of year you are in right now.