Watched a movie awhile ago - About A Boy.
I really enjoyed it. I like Hugh Grant as an actor (if not as a regular person), and this movie was no exception. It had some good comedy, it had some dramatic scenes, and it was just a good movie.
When I watch a movie, I try to get more out of it than entertainment. I try to apply the main theme of the movie to my life, or I'll try to come out of it with a couple of things to work on.
So, as I watched About A Boy, there were a couple of elements of the movie that struck me.
First of all, Will (the character played by Hugh Grant) knew himself. There is a scene where he is at someone's house, and they just recently had a baby and wanted Will to be the godparent. Will looked at them incredulously and asked if they really thought that he would be a good godparent. The lady replied that she always though that he had a depth to him hidden somewhere. Will replied "You see, that's where you've always been wrong. I really am this shallow." Will knew his strengths, he knew his weaknesses. He knew that he pretty much did nothing, that his source of income came from a hit song his dad wrote in the '60's, that he had a different concept of time than most people, etc. etc.
It's good to take some time every once in awhile and reflect on who you really are. Not who you believe people see you as, not the mask that you wear each day in order to hide your shortcomings, but to really realize and discover who you are. So in thinking about this movie, here are some things I know about myself.
I know that I'm a pretty patient person, except when it comes to driving. And the fact that I live pretty close to almost every retirement community in Arizona doesn't help the situation. I've never been one to use bad language, but the place where I use it the most would be in the car.
Like most Americans, I'm selfish. I don't believe in "delayed gratification." I want it when I want it, which is usually right away. If I don't get it when I want it, then I usually will sulk and complain. I have a consumer mindset and one of the reasons why I'm so bad at saving money is that I spend it right away on whatever I think I need.
People infuriate me and frustrate me. Oftentimes, I will truly believe what someone once said: "The church would be a great place if it wasn't for people." Even simple situations, like today when I was waiting in line to get a couple of doughnuts, and some old guy cut in and got a couple in front of me because I reached down to get one of those tissues, and he thought I wouldn't see him and of course I did, make me wish that most people would just disappear.
Because of the things that have happened in my life, I have a continuing struggle in my relationship with God. I ask Job-like questions, but instead of being answered by God in a whirlwind, I get no answers. I see people who have had nothing happen in their lives and who continue to get away with sinful behavior and I envy them. Everyday I get up and wonder what bad thing will happen to me next. I fear that I will have to have brain surgery again. I fear that another person close to me will die. Somehow I still hold on to this little thing called hope and stubbornly believe that God really does love me.
Sometimes I wonder if I should have gone into veterinary school rather than the ministry. I love animals and when I hear cases of animal cruelty, I get very angry and want to exact justice on them. Animals love unconditionally. One time I was thinking of how sad I become when I hear of an animal that is hurt and heard God say to me, "Imagine how I feel when the people I created get hurt. Imagine the pain I feel when people choose hell over me." This is one of the main reasons why I don't believe in Calvinism.I could go on and on, but you get the point.
The other thing that struck me in this film is that towards the end, there is a remarkable transformation in Will's thinking. He goes through most of the movie knowing who he is and accepting who he is and not doing anything about it. Towards the end of the movie, however, he realizes that he can change, that he can be different, that he can turn his life around.
And I realize the same. Although I know who I am, it doesn't mean that's who I have to be, for the rest of my life. I can change. I can be different.
And that's what makes this life worth it.
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